Kill the Boy

Just like that - the season is halfway over. I don't know why, but I feel like this season is absolutely flying by! I liked my format last week, so I think I'm going to stick to that this week...stick with what you know, right? Which will streamline this week pretty well because the show only went to four places this week - FOUR - what in the world?

Across the Narrow Sea: How to Train Your Subjects Edition - The show picks up where we left off last week; Ser Barristan is certainly a goner and Daenerys is NOT pleased that so valiant a fighter was murdered in an alley...but more on that in a minute...

We of course have to check in with Grey Worm (who is alive, of course) and Missandei. Grey Worm is ashamed because when he thought he was going to die, he was afraid. Not of death itself but that he would never see Missandei again. So, she kisses him and that's sweet but I really don't understand why the writers feel the need to use up valuable story time on these two characters - nothing about them is end game material - so what's the point? Sorry, rant over.

Sure...fine...this is ESSENTIAL to the storyline...

Back to Daenerys and things that actually matter as far as plot is concerned. She decides she will round up the head of each of the prestigious houses of Meereen and teach them a lesson; a lesson that you sure bet involves dragon fire and vengeance raining down on their heads. She herds the men into the chamber where Rhaegal and Viserion are chained, making a speech about how a Mother never gives up on her children. slowly pushing the men forward as she talks. Finally one man is shoved forward into the center of the chamber and is promptly flambe'd, torn apart and eaten by Rhaegal and Viserion. The other men are terrified, and rightfully so but Daenerys decides she doesn't want to over feed her "children" and the other men are imprisoned...for now.

Mmmm - flambe'd vassal...nothing better...

Later in the episode we rejoin Daenerys as she ponders how to move forward without her trusted adviser and asks Missandei for her opinion on how she should rule going forward: Daario has advised to pull back to the pyramid district and let the city tear itself apart; Hizdahr (now in prison) has advised to re-open the fighting pits to insure peace. Missandei says Daenerys always sees a different way for things to be done - and so we join Daenerys as she talks with Hizdahr in his prison cell. She will re-open the fighting pits and she will also marry a leader from one of the prestigious families in an effort to solidify her standing in the city...and guess what Hizdahr, you're the lucky groom! I get the feeling Daario won't really like this third option one bit...

Well that came out of nowhere.

North of the Wall: Not Making Any Friends Edition - So much happened North of the Wall this week! I feel like that has been the case every week, ha-ha! We open with Sam and Stannis in the library, discussing the army of White Walkers that are bound to be massing and moving on the Wall soon; Sam killed one and Stannis wants to know how? Sam tells him he used dragonglass; a substance Stannis claims they have on Dragonstone and tells Sam they'll need to know more when the time comes, so "keep reading Sam the Slayer.."

Jon also goes to the library but he seeks counsel from Maester Aemon - he wants to make a decision about the Wildlings trapped on the Northern side of the Wall but is concerned that in making that choice, he will cause many of his men to hate him. Maester Aemon tells him that as Lord Commander he has to make the hard choices; he advises Jon to make those choices, to "kill the boy and let the man be born..." 

He's subtly telling you to get over it - because he got over it when you shot his Wildling girlfriend...

Jon speaks with his captive, Tormund and in doing so we are all let in on his plan: he wants to open the gate beneath the Wall and allow the Wildlings to come through and settle the Gift, a track of land that has been long uninhabited. He will do this in exchange for peace between the Night's Watch and the Wildlings and will also ask that some of the men join the Night's Watch in preparation for the oncoming defense of the realm. Tormund, after much back and forth agrees to the deal - however, his people are all at Hardhome and will have to be brought back via ship - and Jon will have to accompany him; otherwise the Wildlings will think that the ships are bound to be set on fire as soon as they've gotten into open water. Jon agrees.

Jon later lays out his plan to the men of the Night's Watch and as expected is met with disdain and outright disagreement. Sam can't even try to rally the men to a cause he isn't sure he supports and Edd says that while he'd follow Jon anywhere because they are friends, they'd have a lot more friends still living if it weren't for the Wildlings. Jon's steward Ollie is especially offended by Jon's plan; his parents were brutally murdered by Wildlings and we watch as a relationship that started out strong crumbles into dust.

Stannis Baratheon - King of Grammar

*Side note - King Stannis of the Correct Grammar...so flipping funny! When one of the men of the Night's Watch mentioned "less enemies for us" Stannis quickly quipped "fewer" and Davos said "what?"...Hahahaha!*

Winterfell: Jealousy Bores Me Edition - This week in the North we have the world's most awkward dinner party...but I'm getting ahead of myself...

Ramsay's favorite female plaything; Myranda, is jealous because Ramsay has been looking at Sansa. He assures her that since he's going to marry her, looking at her will probably be a part of it. Myranda is obviously jealous and Ramsay tells her he is bored by jealousy; surely she remembers what he does to women who bore him? Gross - how could you not?? Myranda promises to behave but later approaches Sansa in the yard of Winterfell and is so charming it's creepy...and rightfully so, Myranda has a little surprise up her sleeve. She directs Sansa to the back of the kennels, past viciously barking dogs to an open cage where she finds...Theon! To say Sansa is shocked is an understatement.

Well this is awkward....

Sansa and Ramsay join Lord Bolton and his wife for dinner later and it's the most awkward dinner party ever in the history of the Seven Kingdoms. Ramsay blathers on and on about Sansa's dead family and parades Theon/Reek in front of her; telling her how he was able to bend Theon to his own needs and making Theon apologize for killing Bran and Rickon (which he didn't actually do...but he apologizes none the less). He also announces that Theon will give her away at their wedding; after all, he's the closest thing to family she's got anymore. Lady Bolton ends the dinner on a happier note by announcing she's pregnant and Lord Bolton says it's most likely a boy...that's right Ramsay, you should watch your back!

Lord Bolton later chastises Ramsay - he made a fool of himself at dinner. He then tells Ramsay all about his long dead Mother and how Ramsay came to be. Lord Bolton killed a man for marrying without his consent and then raped his new bride underneath his body, strung up in a tree. When the woman showed up at his gates a year later with a baby he was tempted to have her killed and throw the baby in the river...but he only had to look at the baby to know he was his, so he decided to keep the boy in case he proved useful.

Yes - the Boltons all deserve to die horrible deaths because they are AWFUL people. I'm so worried for Sansa.

The Ruins of Valyria: Don't "Rock" the Boat Edition - The last stop of the night is probably the best scene of the episode; we join Tyrion and Jorah as they enter the Smoking Sea and the Ruins of Valyria. Valyria was the city where the Targaryens originally hailed from and only after the Doom destroyed the city did they seek out and conquer Westeros. Now people avoid the ruins and so Jorah figures they'll be less likely to run into pirates if they take the water up the coastline and through the ruins. Seems like a good enough plan, I suppose...and man, it certainly makes for amazing set pieces!

Easily one of the best scenes of the night...

Tyrion and Jorah are distracted from their surrondings when they spy a massive dragon (it's Drogon guys, that's Drogon...) winging over head. For Tyrion it's a moment he's dreamed of all his life; from dreaming of dragons as a child and pretending he was a dragon rider, the look of awe and wonder at seeing the impossible made real is written all over his face. The sight of the dragon certainly reminds Jorah of Daenerys and the mistakes he made that destroyed her trust in him forever; an excellent scene if there ever was one. However, while both men are gazing overhead at the dragon gliding through the smoke, a bigger problem is at hand.

And then I had a heart attack...which is sad because I knew it was coming...

Their ship is boarded by the Stone Men; those people who've had Greyscale completely overtake them to the point that they are no longer completely human...or completely sane. Tyrion is still bound and struggles to fight them off, especially since you cannot allow them to touch you, lest you contract Greyscale. As Jorah fights off the Stone Men, Tyrion is pulled overboard and tugged under - although the Stone Men never touch his skin. The screen fades to black and we are brought back as Tyrion comes to, rescued by Jorah. They have survived the attack unscathed and must now make camp for the night; Jorah undoes Tyrion's bonds and goes to look for wood...and as he walks away, he pulls back his sleeve to reveal that maybe they didn't survive quite as unscathed as we thought.

Other Notes from Westeros (and Essos) - 
Brienne and Podrick have set up camp at an Inn just outside the gates of Winterfell; I suppose they'll be there until the time comes to storm the gates and save Sansa...

Melisandre, Selyse and Shireen are traveling with Stannis and his men as they march on Winterfell - so that's just one of the many changes. There was a sweet moment between Shireen and Davos where Shireen informed Davos she was not afraid and would protect him if need be.

I'm not sure why we keep having scenes where Gilly elaborates on how useless she is to Sam - they seem odd; like some sort of weird filler...which is unnecessary when there are only 10 episodes a year!!

No sign this week of Cersei, King Tommen and Queen Margaery or the poor imprisoned Loras. We also didn't see Arya or her new mentor, the Faceless Man. We met the Sand Snakes last week and just as quickly forgot about them this week (seriously, they were nothing special). Jaime and Bronn were nowhere to be found, so we can assume they're still making their way to the Water Gardens to rescue Myrcella...from the clutches of Doran, Areo Hotah and Trystane Martell...also characters we haven't seen in a while.

Until next week - make sure you put some cream on that...