Game of Thrones - Mockingbird

Episode seven - we are actually at episode seven of the fourth season - wow. The season has sped by at what seems like lightning fast speed; it will slow down a bit since there isn't a new episode for two weeks but man, I cannot believe that there are only three episodes left before the long nine month stretch between seasons. You could grow a human being in the time it takes to wait for a new season of Game of Thrones! Oh well, to the recap!

The episode opens with Jaime berating Tyrion; telling him that he basically threw away his life by having an outburst in the courtroom and demanding a trial by combat - and while Tyrion agrees, he also admits he thoroughly enjoyed giving his Father as good as he's been getting from him for the entirety of his trial. Tyrion asks Jaime if he'll stand as his champion in the trial by combat; Jaime was, before the loss of his sword hand, the best swordsman in all of Westeros. Jaime tells Tyrion that his lessons with Bronn to train himself to fight with his left hand aren't going well and he couldn't kill a flea - and while the two brothers relish how Tywin would react if Jaime did champion Tyrion and lost both his sons in one swing of the sword, Tyrion tells Jaime to send Bronn to him - Bronn has fought for him before, hopefully he will again...but wonders who Cersei will name as champion....

Tyrion & Jaime - post trial, having a heart to heart...

Well - that person would be none other than Gregor Clegane; more commonly known as The Mountain - we see him first impaling a man with a sword and thrusting him into the air before mercilessly hacking into several men; prisoners of Kings Landing. Cersei watches from the sidelines before welcoming her new champion back to the capital and thanking him for being her champion - he confirms that he doesn't care who he's fighting, as long as he gets to kill someone. Lovely.

The Mountain - freakish big & freakish strong

Tyrion's second visitor arrives - Bronn; who apparently has been shopping in between thinking up witty remarks and teaching Jaime to fight left handed. Oh wait, no...that's not it...he's been bribed by Cersei, he's been married to dimwitted Lollys Stokeworth and is looking to inherit a castle, as long as Lollys' older sister has an accident somewhere along the way; as he says "ladies fall off their horses and break their necks all the time..." Tyrion tells Bronn that IF he survives his trial and IF he can find his wife, Sansa that he could one day rule the North from Winterfell and he could give Bronn quite a large chunk of land and a castle in the North. Bronn thinks there are too many "IFS" in that equation and he's already got a nice, warm wife, new clothes and will certainly have a castle in time. Tyrion says he thought they were friends and Bronn says they are friends - but when has Tyrion ever risked his life for Bronn? Good point. The two part ways as friends; with Tyrion telling Bronn the whole reason he was first interested in being Bronn's friend was because he was a scoundrel he could sway with money. 

It seems that Tyrion will be fighting the Mountain all on his own - and the closing shot of this scene pulls back to give us a reminder of just how small Tyrion really is...he's doomed and he knows it.

Friendship Over? Not quite...but still no champion for Tyrion....

Our first installment of road trip buddies reunites us with Arya and The Hound somewhere in the Riverlands (I assume they're still in the Riverlands...we haven't been told differently...) where they stumble upon a burnt out village and an old man in the process of dying. Arya asks him why he hasn't just ended things and the man tells her he's worried that the nothing that follows dying will be worse than the pain of lying there and suffering - Arya tells him "nothing isn't better or worse than anything - nothing is just nothing" - which is important because Arya is also telling us that she essentially shuts it all out, feeling nothing is better than trying to process all the hurt she's experienced in her short life. Arya and The Hound talk to the man, share some water with him and then The Hound stabs the man in the heart - ending his suffering.

While they have been tending to the dying man, The Hound is jumped by one of two "villains" from all the way back in season two - Rorge and Biter; Biter true to his name takes a chunk out of The Hound's neck before The Hound flings him off and finishes him. Rorge takes the time to let The Hound know that there is a price of 100 silver stags on his head before Arya stabs the man through the heart with her Needle - and The Hound tells her gruffly that she's learning.

Later in the episode we rejoin the two; The Hound is trying to clean his wound to no avail. Arya tells him that the wound needs to be burned before it's stitched up to sear away the infection but when she approaches him with a small torch, he screams "NO FIRE" and steps away from her. He then proceeds to tell her that she isn't the only person that is alone; he shares that when his older brother (the character mentioned above, the Mountain...) pushed him face first into the fire as a child, the worst part wasn't that his face was burned - the worst part was that his own father said that he'd caught his bedding on fire; he protected his eldest son and lied about his youngest. The Hound knows what it means to be alone - and that explains loads about why he's the man we see him as now.

Well that's a fun new outfit - very interesting....

Jumping across the Narrow Sea to Essos, we join Daenerys at the top of her pyramid in Meereen - Daario has managed to sneak in and has brought her flowers, which she tells him she doesn't want, shoving them back at him. Daario tells Dany he has two strengths: killing men and loving women and she needs to allow him to use his strengths; she should send him to kill men for her because the only women he wants does not want him. Daenerys sits and stares at him for a few minutes before telling him to take off his clothes...and hello booty! 

The next day Ser Jorah goes to see Daenerys and bumps into an un-buttoned Daario; a Daario who tells him that he picked an excellent time to see Daenerys because she's in a great mood! Poor Jorah - if you needed the definition for friendzone, his picture would be by it in the dictionary - that man cannot catch a break. Daenerys tells him she's sent Daario to kill the slavers of Yunkai and Jorah counsels her to show restraint; telling her that if Ned Stark had put to death anyone who ever sold a slave that he himself would be dead instead of counseling her. Daenerys takes his counsel into consideration and has him go after Daario, to tell him to that instead of killing the slave masters in Yunkai, they can live in her new world or they can die in their old one. So, while she may trust Daario enough to let him into her bed, she doesn't trust his counsel; which circles back and begs the question - why did you let him into your bed?

We jump to the Wall for a quick visit with Jon Snow and the other members of the Night's Watch - Jon isn't exactly heralded as a hero on his return from defeating the mutineers at Craster's Keep - and Allister Thorne makes him lock Ghost up immediately; if he doesn't he'll allow Hob to put Ghost in the stew. I'd like to see him try that - he'd end up dead faster than he could say direwolf! Jon tells the brothers of the Night's Watch that they should seal up the tunnel in the wall as a defense against Mance Rayder and the Wildlings but he's turned down and tuned out...and also given night duty walking along the top of the wall for the next few weeks because of his argumentative tone.

Two roads diverged in a wood....& they took the one to the Eyrie...

Road tripping buddies part two takes us back to join Brienne and Podrick, also somewhere in the Riverlands. The two are having some supper at the Inn at the Crossroads and their chef is none other than Hot Pie! Hot Pie tells them a little too much information about how he made their kidney pie but pipes down when Brienne tells him they are looking for Sansa Stark. Later, as the duo prepare to leave, Hot Pie approaches them and offers a loaf of wolf bread for Arya Stark, of "Winterhell"...he tells the duo that while he's never met Sansa Stark, he saw Arya some months ago and she was alive and dressed like a boy, heading towards Riverrun. He asks that they give the wolf bread to Arya if they see her - she was his friend.

*side note* They made Pod explain to Brienne that they probably shouldn't be asking for Sansa Stark by name because there is a bounty on her head for helping kill King Joffrey. This is such a strange deviation from the books because Brienne is meant to be savvy as well as mistrustful of strangers while Pod is meant to be a lovable idiot. Not sure what prompted that change...but okay...*

Also - best line of the night from Brienne, when Pod tells her he doesn't want to offend her - "You're not interesting enough to be offensive." I'm going to start using that line....

Nutty Selyse...bless her, she's just a bit too devoted...

We are treated to a quick trip to Dragonstone (it's a treat because it's quick...honestly, the Stannis Baratheon contingency is always SO boring) where Melisandre expounds on how most of the things she uses to entice people to the worship of the Red God are merely "tricks that lead people to the truth". I guess Stannis' wife Selyse is so far gone in her devotion that she just nods and mutters that "anything done in the name of the Red God is done for good..." and since Melisandre isn't wearing anything (unnecessary nudity much?) while she makes her speech, you just know Selyse is thinking of Melisandre sleeping with her husband as she mutters that mantra to console herself. Selyse thinks that when they sail for King's Landing, her daughter Shireen should stay behind - she's not devoted to the Lord of Light (the Red God) and is a petulant preteen. Melisandre tells her Shireen will come with them and since Melisandre isn't afraid to light folks on fire, we might need to be worried for sweet innocent Shireen.

Nothing says "champion" like dramatic lighting!

Tyrion receives a visit from his final guest and can I just say, kudos to both Peter Dinklage and Pedro Pascal for working this scene - people are already saying "All the Emmys" based on Dinklage's performance in last week's episode and this week it is a much more understated performance but still just as moving - he almost had me in tears! But I ramble...

Oberyn comes to visit Tyrion and shares a little story with him - he has met Tyrion before. When Oberyn and his sister Elia were younger, they traveled to Casterly Rock with their father and all they heard on the voyage was stories about the monstrous baby that had been born to Tywin Lannister - a head twice the size of his body, one red eye, claws instead of fingers and the parts of both a boy and a girl. They ask Cersei daily if they could see the baby and she finally relented, providing them with nothing but disappointment - Tyrion had a somewhat large head and short arms and legs, but otherwise he was just a regular baby. Little Cersei pinched poor baby Tyrion in a very delicate place, so hard that he began to cry and little Jaime had to make her stop, but Cersei told Oberyn and his sister that he wouldn't live much longer; he shouldn't have lived at all since he killed their mother being born. Tyrion is almost in tears at this point because this story just proves to illustrate something he's known all his life - his older sister has always hated him.

Tyrion thinks Oberyn is merely there to share a story and some conversation before Tyrion meets his eventual doom but Oberyn tells him that he still wants revenge for the wrong done to his sister Elia and her young children, Rhaenys and Aegon...wrongs done to them by none other than The Mountain. Oberyn tells Tyrion that he will be his champion - he will fight for him and seek his revenge! And everyone jumps off their couches saying "yahooooo" and "oh noooo" all at once...because...well...I guess we'll see...

Sansa in the snow...

The episode aptly concludes in the Eyrie - with none other than the Mockingbird himself, Lord Petyr Baelish (Littlefinger) and his band of jolly misfits: his new wife Lysa, his stepson Robin and his "niece" Alayne AKA Sansa Stark. Sansa finds a snow covered courtyard in the castle and builds a miniature Winterfell in the snow - until her cousin Robin comes along and being a ridiculous spoiled little boy, knocks one of the towers of her castle down. When Robin begins to whine and berate his older cousin, she smacks him soundly across the face, sending him running and crying to his mother. Littlefinger appears from around the corner and agrees that while Sansa probably shouldn't have hit Robin, he certainly deserved it.

Sansa asks him point blank why he plotted and killed Joffrey - the Lannisters were always good to him, she sees no motivation for his actions. He tells her when someone hurts the one we love, we take revenge. The only person Littlefinger has ever loved was Sansa's mother, Catelyn Stark; and in one of his more pervy moments he tells Sansa that if they lived in a world where love and duty took precedence...she might be his daughter...she's not but she's more beautiful than her mother ever was...and so he kisses her, which is of course, witnessed by his wife Lysa.

Lysa, who is as crazy as they come invites Sansa to talk near the Moon Door - Sansa really needs to not accept this conversation but she can't...so she goes quite close and just as figured, Lysa shoves her to her knees and pushes her face out over the abyss telling her that when people fall from the Moon Door they often break into numerous pieces when they smash into the rocks. Littlefinger comes in and tells Lysa that he will handle Sansa but that she must let her up and stop being so silly...she's his silly wife...and as he holds her close, he looks her in the eyes and tells her he's only ever loved one woman - her sister. As she registers the shock of what he's said to her, he gives her a shove...and away she flies.

And the best part of the episode??

Oh Lysa - leaving that moon door open is always a bad idea....

And that's it for the seventh installment of season four. Two weeks worth of waiting until the eighth episode, aptly titled The Mountain and The Viper - the last three episodes are going to be good, I can't wait to see them unfold! Until next week...oops, I mean...until two weeks from now, don't stand too close to any open Moon Doors!